The Value Of Owning Your Birth

Yesterday, I read a facebook post and almost walked away from it saying that’s not for me, that’s not my battle. And then I listened to that little voice inside that says: “No, stand up”. And I stood up, not for myself, but for every HypnoBirthing practitioner, every doula, every postpartum doula, every private midwife on this planet right now. 

The post was by a mother-to-be asking other women whether they felt a fee of XYZ* was crazy for a 4-week HypnoBirthing course. 

Now before anyone reading this says, “Yup that’s totally bonkers!” let me put this into context. Some HypnoBirthing courses are run over 5 weeks. Each session is 2.5 hours and the cost of the course includes the course book, file of notes, CDs and mp3s with the meditations needed which are usually ordered by your practitioner with international shipping fees. Courses are ideally done with couples rather than just the mother to ensure her partner is fully prepared to support her. Given the fact that most people work these days, this means that HypnoBirthing practitioners usually don’t work normal hours, instead making time at night or on weekends to do this work. Doulas and private midwives who are charging equally minimal fees also do not schedule births so it suits their calendar. They are ready for birth day and night.

It’s not convenient. So why do we carry on? Because we’re women who deeply, in every cell of our bodies, know the benefit of it. Many of us are women who had birth and postnatal experiences that were big life wake-ups, whether that came in the form of birth trauma or postnatal depression. Those wake-ups led us to HypnoBirthing and our experience of it left us wanting to share it with every mother under the sun and moon.

In spite of this, we still meet mothers who aren’t convinced. We meet mothers who say, “No thanks, give me birth with all the drugs.” We meet mothers who say, “Oh thanks for getting back to me, but I’ll just get the book and teach myself.” We get mothers who say, “I just don’t have time for that.” We meet mothers who say, “There’s no way my husband will go for this.” And we get mothers who cannot get their heads around the idea of spending money on childbirth education. Education that will shift their perception of themselves, their bodies and their own strength. 

A few weeks ago I had a consultation. A free consultation, as I do, over a cup of tea and nibbles, explaining HypnoBirthing in a nutshell. As we chatted, the mother explained how she’d been manically getting the baby’s nursery ready for months. She explained her extreme anxiety and I went through the benefits that HypnoBirthing would offer, in terms of anxiety, fear and more. 

I later sent her the course fee, to which she replied that she was very sorry but she was not going to go ahead as her budget didn’t allow for it. I was sorry to hear that, but took a moment to envision her having a beautiful healthy birth and sent those wishes to her. 

But I could not lower my price. We cannot do this work for free. In the same way a lawyer, engineer, doctor, teacher, shop assistant, nanny or cleaner cannot and should not be expected to perform services for nothing.

And here’s the thing with “women’s work”… midwifery, doula work, childbirth education, mothering… Despite the world increasingly realising the immense social value of it. Despite obstetric organisations around the world knowing that birth outcomes are improved by hypnobirthing and continuity of care by midwives and doulas. Despite governments knowing that postpartum support is key to reducing a global crisis of postpartum depression. Despite all this, this work continues to be regarded as work that should be done simply from the goodness of our hearts. While in our ideal worlds we would be doing that (and many of us do indeed do some pro bono work), that is not sustainable in this place and time. I have a family, I have annual professional fees that I pay to ensure I am fully certified to do what I do, I have continued education expenses to ensure I offer my clients the most current information available. I have other business expenses, all the while trying to remember to factor in some self care to ensure that I bring the best of me to the room energetically when doing this work. 

We live in a society where women continue to spend mountains of money on things that they think will make them feel as though they’re enough… weddings, wardrobes, cosmetics and cosmetic surgery, but when it comes to the most pivotal life experiences of womanhood they still shy at what they see as a leap too big. That big leap requires moving through a deep-seated physical, emotional and mental block that they just don’t have it in them. It’s a leap of faith into seeing that their bodies are incredible and possess a power that cannot be comprehended until the immense force of life and birth takes over. 

The reality is that in today’s medical environment, for the vast majority of women, arriving at birth and hoping for the best is not enough. The system is geared to steer you towards surgery. It is a system that is, more often than not, going to tell you that you can’t do it. It is a system that finds it inconvenient when women ask too many questions or request informed consent. Informed physical and mental preparation, however, will carry you forward as you take a leap of faith to a place that will transform you as a woman. 

Consider the money you spend on this education (or the birth and postpartum support you need) as an investment in yourself, and as a Birth Day gift to your baby and you as you enter motherhood.

That is priceless. 

*Fees vary from country to country depending on cost of living and annual business licensing fees.